There are certain defining events in every man's life: the first time he has sex, the first time he gets drunk, the first time he gets in a fight.. and his first trip to Vegas.
.....
Halfway there, in some shit-bag cow town called Barstow, Junior tells me to exit the highway and pull into a place called "In-N-Out." I was not impressed: "Dude, where are we going? This place looks like shit."
Junior glared at me like I had turned down sex with Penelope Cruz and said nothing. He insisted that we go inside, as he said that one couldn't properly drive and give these burgers the attention necessary at the same time. He ordered me the Double-Double, and looking at it, I was still unimpressed. It's just a fucking hamburger.
I have only fallen in love three times in my life, and the first bite of that Double-Double was one of those times. The crispy bun complimenting the cool lettuce, the special sauce accentuating the fresh tomato, the sweet meat mixing with the salty cheese, all of it coming together in a harmonious medley of flavor thus far unseen on the American fast food landscape - I was smitten. It was the single greatest fast food meal in the history of civilization. Even though I was full, I immediately ate another Double-Double. I was nearly in tears at this meal, it was so transcendently excellent. Those fuckers should hire me as a spokesman.
